4 Steps to Help You Heal Your Inner Child and Overcome Emotional Trauma.

The emotional scars from childhood can greatly influence our self-beliefs, character, and ability to experience joy later in life. Certain profound wounds may cause individuals to become frozen in anxiety, fear, long-term tension, boredom, and feelings of worthlessness, leading to a loss of self-esteem. Nevertheless, the good news is that these inner emotional wounds can be healed. And, once healed, they can make you even stronger and more capable of overcoming life's challenges.

Here are the four steps that have assisted me in re-establishing a connection with my inner child and achieving a healthy recovery.

Step 1: Accept that you have been hurt and begin to explore your wounds.

This is the first and the most difficult step in the four-step process because it requires us to set aside our ego and acknowledge that we have been wounded, something that many people are unwilling to do.

From my experience with clients during our initial sessions, I often encounter resistance from them. They express that they do not wish to dwell on the past, and they do not believe it has any effect on their current life. They rely on listening to sermons, practicing gratitude, and maintaining a positive mindset to control their lives and become self-sufficient.

However, they eventually realize that being untruthful with themselves is the most detrimental thing they can do. Suppressed emotions can build up and eventually explode, resulting in intense reactions that can be more severe than those experienced by others. Unfortunately, their loved ones, such as their parents, spouse, or children, are the ones who bear the brunt of these outbursts.

Despite their kindness to outsiders, some people struggle to be patient with their own family members, often lashing out at their defenseless children due to their dissatisfaction with life. Young people who do not have children can also experience a constant sense of emptiness, and stress and easily give up.

Acknowledging our wounds allows us to receive the necessary treatment and healing. It is not helpful to try to force positivity in a harmful way. If we continually attempt to conceal our weaknesses and refuse to acknowledge our wounds, we deprive ourselves of the opportunity to heal, understand, and care for ourselves.

Mental health is still a relatively unfamiliar concept to many Vietnamese individuals. When I mention the term "mental health" to Vietnamese people, they often react negatively because most only associate it with individuals with severe mental illness. I hope that in the near future mental health is morewill beidely recognized and educated among the public.

Step 2: Reconnect with your inner child

What your inner child needs most is your genuine listening and sincere care. They need an accepting and understanding adult who can offer them love, sit down with them, listen to them speak, let them vent, let them cry, and let them explain their emotions or actions.

Sometimes children feel hurt by the actions of others, but there are also cases where children are hurt by their own wrong actions towards someone else. Regardless of the cause of their pain, I believe that all children deserve to be heard and understood with genuine love from us, the adults.

Truly listening with understanding involves listening deeply without imposing personal judgments, thoughts, or narrow evaluations onto what you hear from your inner child. It means taking the time to see their pain, recognizing their fragile heart, and feeling genuine sympathy for them.

I have an example to illustrate this point. One of my clients once confided in me that she used to feel intense hatred towards her younger brother because her parents favored him and stopped caring about her since he was born. She even wished for her brother to disappear, and although it was just a passing thought, she couldn't help but blame and hate herself for it. This made her very insecure about herself, and she started to believe that she was a bad person.

However, as I helped her listen more deeply to her inner child, she saw a vivid image of a little girl standing alone in a sad corner, watching her parents shower her younger brother with all their love and attention. The little girl, who was herself at age 6, didn't receive that love from her parents, and she felt very sad and lonely. She began to believe that her parents no longer loved her, and this realization helped her understand why she had been harboring so much resentment towards her brother.

Each child's experience is unique and will be reflected differently in their subconscious mind. It's important to approach each individual with compassion and understanding and to help them unravel the specific experiences and emotions affecting them. This can take time and patience, but ultimately it can lead to healing and a deeper understanding of oneself.

Step 3: Giving yourself what you need, but didn't have in the past

The basic needs of a child are actually quite simple: genuine love, safety, protection, warmth, trust, acceptance, and positive support to help them grow, restore their self-belief, and faith in life.

Now, who is responsible for providing these things to your inner child?

The answer is no one else but YOU.

Each one of us has a responsibility towards our own inner child. Therefore, we must learn how to connect and communicate with our inner child, recognize their feelings, show them love, and help them see the bigger picture so that they can have a better perspective on life.

We should not skip steps or force them to change their mindset and attitude, as it won't work. Think about how a 5, 6, or 7-year-old child would feel if you gave them complex theories and life lessons that they couldn't understand. We need to be patient and communicate with them in a language that is understandable to them.

Step 4: Learn to be kind to yourself and nurture your inner child.

It's important to recognize that loving someone does not mean agreeing with them, especially when they are in the wrong. Our inner child is wounded because, at the time of the injury, their thinking was that of a child - innocent and pure but lacking the wisdom and knowledge of an adult. As a result, there are certain events where the child only perceives a fraction of the truth, but they assume it is the complete truth.

For example, if a child sees their parents preoccupied with work all day, never spending time with them, they may feel unloved and abandoned. Similarly, if a child's parents get divorced, and the mother moves away, the child may believe that they are worthless, unloved, or the reason for the separation.

Being an adult is no easy task. When we become parents, we realize the challenges of balancing the responsibilities of earning money, family duties, and raising children. In some cases, we do not even have enough time to care for ourselves.

Vietnamese parents demonstrate love and care for their children by making numerous sacrifices for them. However, they struggle to express their love verbally, adhering to the old-fashioned belief of "love with a stick and hate with sweetness." Consequently, they seldom verbalize their love and praise for their children.

They work all day to save money, not only to provide for their children. However, they often remain silent about their work and do not explain it to their children, so the kids do not understand their parents and feel deprived of affection.

Therefore, if we go back and blame our parents for hurting us and for not giving us enough love, safety, and care, it is not reasonable.

That is precisely why we need to become nurturing and supportive parents to our own inner child. Nonetheless, this process of self-parenting is a lifelong journey of learning and practicing, and at times, we need to acknowledge that we are still growing and flawed and reassure our inner child of that fact. When we genuinely love someone, we demonstrate patience and don't impose unrealistic expectations.

I sincerely hope the insights I've shared with you today are valuable. If you found this article helpful, please don't forget to like and share it with others. Thank you for taking the time to read this, and let's continue expanding our awareness together.